Embracing Life Transitions as Pathways to Growth and Fulfillment
As a therapist I often engage in conversations regarding people’s goals. The goals are always unique to everyone; however, they have a common theme, and in the beginning, they go something like this: “I want my life to be without problems.” A life without problems can seem tempting and can even seem like the ultimate goal, and how some people define success. That is a lie and a trap.
To experience personal growth, find and express purpose and meaning, stimulate motivation, engagement, and creativity, and also have increased joy, connection, and fulfillment, we need to struggle.
All these things we want from life are gained through a process, and that process includes struggle. What type of struggle am I referring to? Uncertainty, fear of the unknown, loss of any kind, change of identity, feeling out of control, adjusting to new environments, insecurities, dealing with social expectations, shifting of values, change of roles, and so on.
One common way we gain personal growth, meaning, and connection is through experiencing life transitions, as life transitions are full of struggle. These struggles are hard, but necessary. So, how can we honor the process of transformation, specifically the struggle part, instead of trying to rush through it or worse yet, avoid it?
Hope: While experiencing the struggle, hold on to the hope of what is to come. If this is a desired and planned transition, focus on your why and the hope you have for the benefit of this transition. If the transition is not planned or desired, still hold on to hope, it’s better than the alternative. Hope for growth, hope for support, hope for new beginnings. Remember, the struggle won’t last forever.
Acceptance: This part of the process is hard. Acknowledging that, allowing for that, and recognizing it’s part of the process can be helpful. Acceptance will allow you to embrace this struggle, normalize it, recognize it for what it is, and allow yourself some grace and empathy. You’re not doing anything wrong. Struggle is progress.
Value: Life transitions and transformations have a period of struggle. When you experience this struggle, try to find value in it, knowing it’s part of the process. Maybe even try saying to yourself, “This is hard/uncertain/uncomfortable and that means I’m going through the process- this is part of it, and I can’t rush this to get to the growth, this part is also valuable.”
Support: We are social creatures and support during this process can be helpful. Get creative and personalize the support you allow into your life. Is reading these types of articles supportive? Great. Maybe there’s a book that honors the struggle part of the process- get that and read it. Is there a poem or a song that validates the struggle? Get those out and read and sing them.
A life without problems, a struggle free life, will not lead to greater happiness or fulfillment. In a nutshell, once we solve one problem or reach one goal, we are temporarily “happier” and then we will naturally return to a more stable level of happiness, and inevitably shift our focus to the next problem or goal, and so the cycle continues. Facing and overcoming challenges is an integral part of personal growth, resilience, and psychological well-being, and experiencing life transitions is a significant challenge. Embrace it. More to the point, embrace the complete process, including the struggle.