What to focus on when we’re going through a transition or just coming out of one, to help yourself get un-slumped? These are times of change. Times of loss. These experiences change us. We’re different now and we’re not even sure how we’ve changed yet. Often during these times it’s hard to know what to focus on. Maybe we’ve lost confidence in ourselves. Maybe we don’t know what our true north is anymore. We know we want to be successful- we want to accomplish something. But as Dr. Seuss wrote in Oh The Places You’ll Go, “You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win? And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…or right and three quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind”. I so resonated with this after coming out of a loss- a time of change and transition. I felt so confused and found it so hard to make up my mind. I randomly found this book and had never read it previously and I cried when I read that passage. I had lost confidence in myself, in my ability to make the right decision, the decision that would lead to success. I had followed all the conventional wisdom which essentially boils down to having a vision, setting some goals, and executing them= success! Not so much in my experience. This article is about a different approach to un-slumping yourself because “When you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.” ― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
Of course, having goals is necessary to move forward. However, we’ve gone a bit coo-coo with goal setting, and we’ve neglected the essential precursor to goal setting- the thing that will help ensure those goals are on the right track and will result in success. I’ll get to what I’m referring to in a moment. To quote Albert Einstein, “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” Goal setting is the rational mind at work. We are very familiar with goal setting. Goal setting has become sacred, it’s become The Way, it is ruler. In this article, I’m going to explore the intuitive mind and its role in helping us get un-slumped, so we can keep moving forward.
Before we do that, let’s define success. I think we know by now that we need to define success on our own terms, and that money and fame are not all they are cracked up to be (even though we sometimes secretly still want them and think they will give us what we most desire- or is that just me?). We also know that happiness is not what we’re looking for either. We went on this happiness craze not too long ago, but the old wisdom stands true- happiness is not what we’re looking for either in terms of finding success.
We each use different words to describe what we’re really looking for in life (and isn’t that what success truly is; getting what you most want?) but it’s something along the lines of fulfillment, meaning, belonging, being seen by others, having a purpose, being relevant and helpful. As you see, fame, money, happiness (which is a fleeting emotion), certain accomplishments, praise and recognition on an elaborate scale- those things don’t factor in to success. We are looking to matter. And the key to that involves something outside of ourselves. To matter, we need to matter to someone. Of course, self-love is essential. But what I’m getting at here is that having a positive impact on others is key to us feeling successful. What we are truly looking for is to live meaningful lives- that’s it. So that’s how we’ll define success, living a life of meaning.
Viktor Frankly understood this. He said “Don’t aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself.”
So if we focus on the goal (an external accomplishment), we are more likely going to miss it. But what’s even worse is that let’s say we accomplish that goal (get published, make x amount of money, buy that house, win that award), if that was it, if that was the reward we were after, then the success is fleeting. The feeling of fulfillment won’t last. And the cherry on top is that soon enough we’ll once again feel that ache of dissatisfaction and once again conjure up a new goal to pursue, all the while hoping this time we’ll finally feel fulfilled, in a sustainable way. We know the answer to this already- we won’t. If we continue like this, we’ll get stuck on this hamster wheel- never finding that satisfaction we so deeply crave.
Hamster wheel: What do I want? >> I want fame/money/happiness/power. >> Set goals to get that. >> Get it. >> A little fulfilled. >> Not fulfilled anymore. >> What else do I want? >> Work on getting that. And on it goes.
And some of us get off the hamster wheel all together and aren’t sure what to do next. We know this isn’t working, but what else is there? So many of us are getting off now and searching for a different way. That’s what I’m writing about here. A different approach. But here’s the thing, when I got off that hamster wheel I felt like a failure, I felt alone, confused, and unsure of myself and where to go. Maybe you can relate?
And you know where this leads? Just look around. It leads to people feeling exhausted, lost, hopeless, depressed, isolated, stingy, cold, self-involved, protecting themselves and watching out for the harm they think others will cause them, anxious, overwhelmed, over worked, out of balance, out of touch, no play, no creativity- I could go on but you get it. 20% of us are depressed and another 20% of us are anxious. We’re living it. We see it. Maybe you’re not in the 40% but your sister is, your neighbor is, your kids’ teacher is, and so on. It’s enough to have a felt effect in our communities. On some level, whether personally or not, we feel it.
I’m not saying all this to be doom and gloom. My intention for outlining it like this is to clearly point out that whatever we’ve been doing isn’t working, at least not for a large percentage of the American population. We teach how to use the brain, how to goal set, how to be diligent, how to create a plan and execute it. That’s all fine and good. But we’ve neglected intuition- which is sacred and must come first. Once there is clarity from intuition, then we can use our rational brain to help develop a plan.
So let’s get back to the core of this message. You got off the hamster wheel for some reason. Maybe you had a failure. Maybe you’re just too exhausted. Whatever the reason, you’re off. And you’re looking around going, what now? This can feel like a slump and the temptation to hop right back on that wheel is real. But there is another way.
We’re redefining success, saying that success is living a life of meaning; and many of the wise people before us have given us clues about how to live a life of meaning, so we don’t have to guess at this. Living a life of meaning is living a life that is connected to something larger than ourselves. That’s it. That’s the key here.
So how do we pursue a life of meaning? We start by focusing on what we can contribute to others. How can I make this world, this community, this interaction, better? Ask yourself, what do I have to offer that might change the future for the better? Let that be your compass. Let that be your focus. What do I have to offer? How can I contribute? It’s very simple and it’s the answer to un-slumping yourself for good. By focusing on what it is you can contribute, you will find meaning, and you will find success; that pit inside of you that seems so hard to fill up, will be full and overflowing.
Ok, now to summarize and really get clear.
How to achieve success? Tune in to your intuition to get clarity on what you are connected to that is larger than you (that is the source of your energy).>> Focus on what you can contribute. >> Set goals around that. >> Move forward on those goals- always focused on serving and always connected to something larger than yourself. >> Feel the sense of meaning fill up your entire being.>> Repeat.
Not sure what next step to take? Not sure if you should turn right or left or right and three quarters? Start by asking yourself, what do I have to offer? What can I contribute? Follow that. Trust it will lead you to the clarity, the fulfillment, the meaning, and the success you most desire.
And one final thought. If more and more of us take this approach, focusing intensely on how we can contribute on what we have to offer, imagine that world, that city, that community. Be still for a moment and turn in to the feelings these images evoke within you. Follow those feelings.